My Immortal: The Commentary
by BOOMitsMegan
Summary: This is what I thought to Tara's oh so wonderful, ehemm.. disasterous, My Immortal. -.-
1. Chapter 1 here we go

A/N Everyone seems to be doing this and I'm a mainstream fucker so must do it too. Lol no I just think this is fucking Hilarious! Anyways I'm ill so have a lot of time on my hands... Lets go through with this torture!

Disclaimer: I have no clue who in their right mind would think I own this... but it all goes to Tara (thank god!)

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)**haha that's hilarious... not.** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Which means yeahh, that way. **raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. **She's done a great job so far.** U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **As in Bieber? May he be sooo happy with this.. charming girl. ** MCR ROX! **I'll take your word for it.**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way **Loooong name..** and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)** No shit Sherlock.** with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **tad descriptive..** and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!**I'm OUT!**). I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.**So you wish you were related to a 'hottie'** **Inceeeeest!**I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.**Last time I checked vampires teeth were like that... but I'll take your word for it. **I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England **Cool, there are two Hogwarts'. The one I know is in Scotland. ** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).**That makes logical sense, as you kind of have to be..** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)**No, I really couldn't..** and I wear mostly black.** HEY! You're a goth!** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **So you're a muggle?**For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink **pink? I thought you were a goth?** fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation,**but you're pale?** black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun,**really?** which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. **Charming child.**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... Draco Malfoy! **Yaaaaaay.. probably here to insult you or something... That's our Draco!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.**Shyly? Draco Malfoy is NOT shy!**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **Awww poor you.**

AN: IS it good? **Nope. Far from it.**PLZ tell me fangz!** I just did.**


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta!**They helped soooo much...** BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok!**Preps! You did good! Go have a cookie.**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom.**Don't you mean dorm?**It was snowing and raining again. **well it is Scotland, sorry, England.** I opened the door of my coffin** coffin? This just gets better!** and drank some blood from a bottle I had.** Whaa- oh yeah, vampire.** My coffin was black ebony**Like your hair!** and inside it was hot pink **more pink? You sure you're a goth..waiiit, you're a goffic, is that different? ** velvet with black lace on the ends. I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings **FOUR? **in my pierced ears, and put my hair in a kind of messy bun. **Like the slags these days do?**

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!)**Is this to make up for her VERY bad skills of spellchecking.. **woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-greeneyes. **So shes called Willow and has forest-green eyes... Is she a plant? Hai plant! **She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots.** Do you have to describe the clothes?** We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation **your already pale?** and black eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.** Does she aim to be one of his fangirls like Pansy?**

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.** Oooohh goth girl likes Drakie. Damn. She's gonna get with him..**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room **ahhh they are in Slytherin, get it now.** and into the Great Hall. **So no walk through the dugeons.. The common room is now in the main hallway?**

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted.** You so fucking do! deniiaaaaaal**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. **See, plant gets it too! **Just then, Draco walked up to me. **Gyodd.**

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **BOOM! Told ya you like him. **

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **Thats a muggle band right? HO THE HELL DO THEY KNOW ABOUT HOGSMEADE?**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR.**Nice...**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked. **No! please say no! But you will anyway... I bet Draco has a bet... thats it, a bet..**

I gasped.** Great cliffhanger.. :O He's someone else under polyjuice and they are turning back!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I'm still reading -.- and still alive. (thankfully!) Let's get this over with.**

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! **No 'Prepz' keep going! ** odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws!** You got good reviews?** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! **For what? Her spelling and grammar must be as bad as yours! **oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis **Oh yes you do.** or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. ** Again woth the describing! **Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky.** I don't picture it. ** I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Charming. **I read a depressing book ** Twilight? I've read it too.. will never get those days back.. **while I waited for it to stop bleeding and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway.** Been telling you that but you wouldn't listen -.- ** I drank some human blood **Maybe you did read Twilight.. **so I was ready to go to the concert. **Nothings better befor a concert than fresh human blood. Mmmm **

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car. **This is news... I thought the Malfoys hated muggles, let alone charm one of their inventions. **He was wearing a Simple Plan t-shirt (they would play at the show too), **Interesting. **baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner **Nooooo! Not Draco! Please no!** (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **by 'kewl' you mean depressing emo/goths, then yeahh..**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **I first read that really cheerfully, to make it depressing I would use '...'instead of '!'**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) **we need to know this why? **and flew to the place with the concert.** You mean Hogsmeade... somehow. ** On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. We both smoked cigarettes and drugs.** You're parents must be SO proud.** When we got there, we both hopped out of the car.** Did you land it first?** We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte.

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **Great song...**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, **You would just casually say that to your date wouldn't you. Wait, it's Tara so she probably would... **pointing to him as he sung, filling the club **I got the impression you was outside...** with his amazing voice.

Suddenly Draco looked sad.** I wonder why?**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on. **Took you long enough... god..**

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said.** Then why say it in the first place.**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively **How do you say something sensitively... ** and he put his arm around me all protective. **The reason in that was...**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch."** Calm your passions woman...** I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **I'm thinking she isn't a Disney girl, or doesn't like Hilary Duff...**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer **Butterbeer? **and asked Benji and Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz** You were that slaughtered ey? Then how can you drive?**, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: 4 updates in one day! How lucky are we? So shall we grace ourselves with another lovely chapter? -.- I seem to be using that face a lot... -.- SEE!**

AN: I sed stup flaming ok **No no, carry on!** ebony's name is ENOBY** So is it Ebony or Enoby?** nut mary su **When as she mentioned?**OK! DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! ** So Draco has taken Amortentia? **dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **Well you said they were in their seventh year... I think, which means they have known each other a while and my word is going crazy! Raven didn't do her jooooob...**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?" **Going into the Forbidden Forest to hopefully bump you off duhh!**

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, **and hopefully fell to your death? **curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.** Guessing you just fell... but you didn't die, shame.**

"Ebony?" he asked. **Thought it was Enoby?**

"What?" I snapped. **Ooooooooh touchy...**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color **Guessing Tara's American.** contacts) which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Awwwww told you Ebony/Enoby likes Drakie...**

And then... suddenly just as I **I? I what?** Draco kissed me passionately **Nooo! Draco what have you done!**. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree.**errm, ew. I did not need those mental images.** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. **MORE MENTAL PICS! EEEWW! **Then he put his thingie **Penis.** into my you-know-what **Vagina.** and we did it for the first time. **You don't say?**

"Oh! Oh! Oh! " I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. **Beginning? with all that screaming, and still. Why would Draco put out to that level... He is a pureblood sex god. **We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then... **You exploded?**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!" **I read this in Mr T's voice. Y'know from The A Team and Snickers ads.**

It was...Dumbledore! **DUMBLEDORE! Heeeeermione.. haha!**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! **Stop getting worked up over your shitty story.** if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! **Well then I'm a prep or a poser...** Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache **okay, I'll blame all the times I next swear on a headache :L **ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx!**ahhh forgot about that..** PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws!** Well you won't be uploading for a while...**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily. **Angry Dumbledore!**

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **I'm gonna call people that when they piss me off... Hey! You ludacris fool!**

I started to cry tears of blood down my pallid face. **You might wanna go see Poppy about that.** Draco comforted me. **Since when is Draco Malfoy the 'comforting' type. **When we went **When we went... is that grammatically correct?** back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall **why McGonagall if they are both in Slytherin?** who were both looking very angry. **Someone's in trouuuubleee**

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.** This is hen in primary school you would get a chorus of 'ommmmmmm' haha!**

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **Another insult... I must remember these...**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!" **Amortentia talking my dear Draco, Amortentia...**

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **I think Snape is a bit OOC here... so no detention... nothing?**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us. **Ooooo glares...**

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently. **Draco and gently don't go in the same sentence, and I doubt that she is okay, she had tears of blood earlier.. heh heh tears of blood, TOB, Justin Russo's favourite band :L**

"Yeah I guess." I lied.** It's not nice to lie.** I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **Your getting ready for bed and you put heels on? **When I came out...

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom,** How the fuck did Draco get past the charm? ** and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there.**Yeah, its supposed to be impossible for boys to get up to. **We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room. **Aww thats sad. Why didn't he 'Stay the night' as he is immune to the charms set up to prevent boys from entering the girls dorms...**

**A/N: Thats all I'm doing for tonight, I may do more tomorrow. I just need to take a breather from this thing... words cannot describe what I feel.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm just gonna do this chapter then have a Harry Potter marathon with all the films :D Yay for being ill! Well here we go...**

AN: shjt up prepz ok!**Nope, I don't think that they are gonna shut up..** PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows!** No one is giving you good reviews... I would just deal with it.. In fact, I would have stopped here, or maybe the first chapter, maybe not even posted it...**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. **Theres a surprise.**I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears.** Again with the describing... Just put, "I dressed as a 'goffik' whore"** I spray-painted my hair with purple. **Wait whaa- Tara you have really out done yourself this time.. Maybe you can 'spray-paint' yourself a better fanfic?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula **Thats abit cheesy... **cereal with blood instead of milk** course... Vampire!**, and a glass of red blood.** Well I'd have thought you liked 'black blood' s everything with you is black.. or pink.** Suddenly someone bumped into me.** Arent you sat down... at a table..** All the blood spilled over my top. **Then you went rabid and ate everyone?**

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily.** Someone woke up on the wrong side of the coffin this morning...** I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it.**ehh? whos this?** He was wearing so much eyeliner that I was going down his face **you mean he as crying?** and he was wearing black lipstick. **Everyone in your story does... **He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **This is Harry! But he's a Gryffindor, aren't they brave and not gothic...** He had a manly stubble on his chin.** Rough times trying to kill Voldy.** He had a sexy English accent.** I suppose most people there would. ** He looked exactly like Joel Madden. ** Who? **He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.** No, I'm certain you probably did... you are probably a guy afterall...**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice. **Oh look, Harry's shy too..**

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.** You sound so sincere.**

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled.** So he's a vampire too, and not proud of it?**

"Why?" I exclaimed. **You may need to put an EXCLAMATION point on then...**

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.** Giggled? Harry giggled? Oh god... I hope this is some other dimension... that's it, another dimension**

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.** If he likes human blood then so is he...**

"Really?" he whimpered.** Ah, no he isn't.. he's just weird.. but he's scared of you. I don't blame him really. I would be running for the hills.**

"Yeah." I roared.** ROAAAR! Maybe you're supposed to be in Gryffindor?**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him **aww thats nice. Drakie got his bet a surprise, hopefully a stake to kill you.**

**A/N: well that's today's work done.. I'm gonna go watch Harry Potter now, you know, How it should have been... well is...**

**p.s. If any w's are missing from this, please ignore it, my laptop is gay...**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: The room I'm curled up in watching Harry Potter has my brothers xbox as the dvd player and he came in and got all aggy so I can't watch Harry Potter... I'll just have to comment on another of Tara's chapters, luckily for me my mate wants to do this one... over to you Hollie.**

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. **Jesus, how the balls did that happen?** n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **Aluminium or Steel?** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! **I'm a fearless bastard, report me? **Evony **Oh Jesus. **isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!** Deppy 4 lyf.**

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish as we went upstairs. **Sexy time! Draco is getting past the charms again? **I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).** I have no idea what 'Mary Sue' is? Urban Dictionary tells me it's a 'perfect character' and your character is far from perfect. ** I waved to Vampire. **Vampire? Oh, yeah, Harry. **Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **No, you just fucked him. **Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. Then...** Locked the door? No, Draco. Please, dear God, No. **

We started frenching passively and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy **Penis. ** in mine** he put his dick in your dick? Knew you were a man.** and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Yes. **

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm.** Death Eater. ** It was a black heart with an arrow through it. ** Oh, wait. **On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! **Draco is gay for Harry?**

I was so angry. **At a tattoo? **

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed. **Please say you broke a bone.**

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much. **Too much? He has a tattoo? End of. **

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Stereotypical much? Well, you fucked him so you have AID's too? Right? **

I put on my clothes all huffily **da fuq? You in Hufflepuff now? ** and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. **Penis penis penis penis. **He had a really big you-know-what **Penis or Voldemort? **but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom **HOGWARTS IS FOR WITCHES AND WIZARDS NOT FUCKING VAMPIRES! **where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people. **I'm confused. **

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled**. In front of Snape? Really? OHHHHH WE GOT A BADASS OVER HERE! **

**A/N: Well, this was fun. This fanfic is shit. Tara, please go back to English class or at the least go watch some Harry Potter. **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Okay, this is wrote by Hollie again. The spelling in this fanfic is shit and its VERY annoying, muddafuckerrrr.**

AN: stop flassing ok! if u do den u r a prep! **Prep? Da fuq?**

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **Naked? Everyone saw his dick, lol muffins. **

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **How do you scream sadly?**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith **Bloody Mary is a drink, your friend is a drink? **smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. ** No she wasn't LIAR! **Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. **Yeah, can Ebony go do that too? **She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. **But she wasn't even born. **It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **You can't change the house you are in. **

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" **I have to make a list. **Snape demeaned **What? **angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **Badass.**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him. **What? You're going out with Harry now? She cheated on him too, cheating bitch. **

Everyone gasped. **Lulz**

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me.** A sentence spelt correctly? Jesus Christ.** I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) for a while but then he broke my heart. **A bisexual vampire, okay. Well, I know what English Hogwarts is like. **He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker.**Preppy? Really?** We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.) **WHAT IS A PREP? **

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire. **Draco is bi? News to me. **

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **virginity*** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears. **Tears of blood? Bust, LOL. **

**A/N: I am very amused by the atrocious spelling and the fact that none of this relates to Hogwarts. Why isn't this a Twilight fanfic? Its shit enough to be one. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Did you enjoy Hollie's two chapters? She read mine and wanted to do some of her own :L well back to me...Some parts are by Hollie because I had to go help my Mum. **

AN: stop flaming ok!** You can ask, but I don't think it will happen?** I dntn red all da boox! W**e gathered.** dis is frum da movie ok **No it's not.** so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers!** Yeah it is?** Besuizds **Does that say besides or bastards?** I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE!** That explains what? ** and da reson snap **Snap! Haha snap!** dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian and vampire is a satanist! **What does that have to do with the price of chips? **MCR ROX! **Again, I will take your word for it...**

I was so mad and sad.** Deppy gurl.** I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. **I could.** I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **Ooooh, badass. You're in the forbidden forest. **

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... Voldemort!** I couldn't find anything funny to write about that, it's hilarious anyway. **

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away.** Shit is going down.**

"Crookshanks!" **As in Hermione's cat? **I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom **HAHA! **and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped. **What the balls is a 'sadist'?**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **I like how Harry is referred to as 'Vampire', its hilarious. **

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes **Sexah? ** and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. **Who? **I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up? **Yeah, I can REALLY see that happening! You know because they hate each other and that. **

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back. **Okay then. **

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **A gun? Why not use your wand?**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!" **Shakespeare.**

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way. **Know what? **

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face.** That's because YOU are retarded. **"I hath telekinesis." **No, no he doesn't.** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" **You will fuck him. **he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **Flew away angrily? Lol. **

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **Yeah, he obviously knew you were there. **

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!" **Casually, you know, after just nearly being killed and that.**

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **Nope. **between Joel Madden and Gerard Way. **Who? Please use people EVERYONE knows, not just freaky little vampire Americans. **

"Are you okay?" I asked. **Nope, this fanfic is killing me. **

"No." he answered. **Knew it. **

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **Let's hope you get expelled from Hogwarts. **

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **WTF? **

**A/N: This fanfic is soooo boring but it's absolutely hilarious to read! Tara, may I suggest that you don't become an author and instead stick to other things like...living in a coffin and shit. Bye. **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: haha! I read what Hollie put and all I can say is, We have a Shakespeare of the wizarding world guys.. Thou shalt read onwards and look at what thy has to say next.**

AN: stup it u gay fags **Ah, so first you make more or less all the cast bi, then you go and be homophobic.. lovely lass...** if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! **No, cos it's fucking hilarious to read! **ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al **No shit, she goes to Hogwarts.** n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok! **But you can't- I give up Tara, do what you like...**

I was really scared about Vlodemort **Who? ohhh is that what Voldermort's Shakespearian twin is called? okay. ** all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **Talented fucker you aren't ya? **People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR.** Who are the people? Your 'goffiks'?** The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo** but- but- a diabolo is a frigging toy!** now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) and Hargrid.** So you** **have the groundskeeper too? That's nice. **Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming **Weren't you too?** and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists **noice.** (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) **b-u-t y-o-u d-i-d j-u-s-t w-r-i-t-e i-t.** or a steak** Yummy. I like steak, I had it for tea last night. And I'm not dead. SO I'M NOT A VAMPIRE WHOO!**) and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride.** Isn't that a kids film?** I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **No, you really are. Fucking Draco then wanting to fuck Harry, sorry Vampire too. Surprised you didn't fuck Voldy.**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' **But you just said all you did was write songs?** and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears.** HAHA you bust again!**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice.** No, I don't think she is, well if I was crying I wouldn't be okay...**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. **That you're not okay?** And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry!** Thought he told you to kill Vampire?** But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice,** and you wanna fuck him. ** even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" **Diddums...** I burst into tears. **I thought you was already crying?**

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **Ahaaa! Sneak attack!**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted.** Because I don't think she's fucking seen you yet. ** "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?)** Yes. Draco would call her a 'filthy little mudblood'.**

I started to cry and cry.** YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN CRYING? ** Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.** Aww you hurt Drakie..**

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily!** Does he have a headache? Is he gonna swear again?** His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.** Ah, okay.**

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely.** I know old Albus was wise, but crying wisely? Is Tara just looking for vocabulary?** (c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **You just said he couldn't die that way... or did he eat a steak?**

**A/N: So many contradictions there... Anyway, I might do another chapter, my mum and her boyfriend are putting my new bed up. Adios! **


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: chapter 11... 11? I started this yesterday, wow, I have no life. **

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz!** They aren't gonna stop!** c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 **I bet it is.** it delz wit rly sris issus!** I bet it does.** sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!** Raven, run.**

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied!** What happened last chapter? *Looks over* oh, Draco killed himself by eating a steak.** B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off **Great way to treat a friend. **and I ran to my room crying myself. **Tears of blood? It's all you ever seem to do.** Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **Would he? Would he really?**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **There they are..** and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **Was it cooked or raw? Knowing you it was dripping in blood. ** I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly.** Sandly? Is there sand all over this dress too? Have you been to the beach?** I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff** Nothing better than pink for a 'goffik'** on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. **Why six? **I couldn't fucking believe it.** That you had six pairs of earring in? Neither can I**. Then I looked out the window and screamed... **You saw your reflection? I would scream too...**Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! **What a great porno...** And Loopin was masticating to it! **HAHA! **

_**Masticat**_**ing**_**: To chew (food)**_**This 'Loopin' was eating food while watching her!** They were sitting on their broomsticks.** Were they? I would dance on mine.**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED!** I thought you had put on clothes...** ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!"** What.** I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. Suddenly Vampire ran in.** Oh so Vampire is immune to the charm too.**

"Abra Kedavra!" **What does that do? Bring a deadly rabbit out of a hat? **he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb.** Pointing his womb! Is he pregnant?** I took my gun and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times **Here's an idea. USE YOUR WAND! ** and they both started screaming and the camera broke.** Isn't that a good thing ** Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. **Thought he would look like a perv**? "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...** You all died like Draco?**

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.** He ran on a broom? He is half- giant so it's understandable.**

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!"** Little? No. Student? 50 years ago before he got expelled.**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." **But your not. **Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!"**What the fuck is a Satanist? Someone please tell me...**

"This cannot be." Snap** Haha! Its snap again!** said in a crisp voice** ooo crisp voice.** as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him.** What did dumblydore shoot him with? ** "There must be other factors."** Factors of what?**

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.** I'm confused.**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly.**Elephantly. Lol. ** "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"** He can still eat** **over Enoby/Ebony getting dressed! Result!**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.** An't say I know the feeling.**

"Why are you doing this?"**Someone wants to fuck someone else. ** Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.** clook? Whats a clook?**

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.** WHAT'S GOING ON?**

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly** He levitated?**, waving his wand in the air.***Umbrella** Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **Ehh?**

"Because you're goffic?"** No Snap. It's Geddit. Cos I'm goffik. ** Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.** Wtf.. I have lost all meaning to life.**

"Because I LOVE HER!"** Told you someone wanted to fuck someone else. And Tara wants her main character to be fucked by eveeeerrryyyonee.**

**A/N: I think this is the longest chapter so far. I dunno if that is a good thing or a bad thing..**


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